There is a person who really hates me. At least I’m pretty sure she hates me; it seems fairly obvious, since she has refused to speak or even look at me for two years. All this is a little unsettling. I’ve never had anyone so angry with me for so long. My therapist once told me that there will always be people who just do not like me, it is true for everyone, and that I just have to accept that. I choose not to think about it.
I did something which offended this woman greatly. I have tried to see it from her perspective, and although the thing I did seemed innocuous enough, I am willing to accept that it upset her, and am willing to make amends.
So, you say, apologize. Oh, I have done that. Via Facebook, email, even a hand-written letter. Still, her disdain does not waver.
So, avoid her. But how do you avoid someone whom you see at least once a week? She and I are part of a weekly activity which I try never to miss.
My friend, Renee, says, “Surround her with love.” That is her solution to everything. So, I visualize surrounding this woman with love, even as she sends hateful vibes in my direction. It does not work. Besides, it’s a ruse. I do not really love this woman. She causes me great distress.
Finally, a great inspiration comes to me. I think, I’ll bake a cake. I will bring it to our group for everyone to enjoy. My hater and I will eat of it, and experience love and forgiveness. I don’t know why I thought this would work, but cake is just a delightful balm for all sorts of ills.
I google “Forgiveness Cake”. I get recipes that are guaranteed to be fool-proof, that is, they are “forgiving”. I google “Peace Cake”, and get recipes that show cakes decorated with peace signs. “Love Cake” gives me Valerie Bertinelli’s recipe for “Sicilian Love Cake”.
Finally, in all my googling I come across a recipe for “Hummingbird Cake”. I am drawn to it because it is Oprah’s favorite cake, and I figure that Oprah knows how to make all things right, and she is totally into love and forgiveness and peace.
I look up the symbolism of the hummingbird. In Native American culture, hummingbirds are seen as healers and bringers of love, good luck and joy. In Central America, they are a sign of love.
After reading this, I am totally down for making this cake. I think this cake is so full of love and forgiveness and peace that my hater will take one bite and feel the love. She will release her hate.
So, I baked that cake in a big 9 x 13 pan. Cupcakes would have been easier, but I wanted my hater and I to eat from the same cake. Our spirits would be merged. We could love one another.
Even though I was really into this idea of magical communing via cake, a part of me realized it was a fool’s errand. Even so, there really was a much better motivation for baking this cake. This group, with whom I play every week, loves me and I love them in return! I was baking this cake to surround each of them, including my hater, with love, and I told them so.
Oh, but that cake was delicious. My friends loved it. I watched my hater. What would happen when she tasted the sweet deliciousness of love? Can you guess? She refused to even take a bite! Such was the power of her disdain for me.
So, my mission to transform hate into love did not go as planned. I’ll never know for sure if a cake can work magic. But I do know that a cake can express to my friends how much I love them.
Last night, one of my friends, Julie, said, “I’m sure hoping you have some more of that Hummingbird Cake coming our way, Marty. Man, that was delicious.”
Love, good luck, joy, and especially cake, are always delicious.