How long has it been since I’ve written? A long time. The reason I’ve given for this long sabbatical was summer. I love summer, and I didn’t want to miss a minute of it by writing about it. I just wanted to live it!
Then, just as this glorious season was ending, another one began. Of course, fall has arrived, but I speak instead of another season which has begun for me: losing my mother. My mother passed away on August 10 … her funeral was September 1. I would like to say that I have not been able to write because of my overwhelming grief, as indeed, there is overwhelming grief. But actually, the thing that has kept me from writing is the busyness of having someone close to you die.
I am glad that I got to be with my mom as she died. On the other hand, I was not at all prepared for the mind-boggling emotions that come with that. Yes, there was sadness, but there was also fear, panic, and loneliness as she took her last breath. Then there is the staggering amount of work to be done. Conversations with family members, nursing staff, hospice, funeral home directors (and let me just say that funeral home directors deserve a special, a very special, place in heaven), ministers, assisted living staff, church staff. There are decisions: type of service, do we want to see her before the cremation, what my mom should be dressed in, when should the service be, where should the service be (COVID made that decision for us), choose an urn, flowers, Bible verses, songs for the soloist, design a program, eulogy. Mind you, we had most of this planned out ahead of time, but COVID, the Pastor’s sabbatical, and last-minute reversals of decisions, all made for a busy time indeed.
The funeral was beautiful, and it was a wonderful time to connect with my dad, my sisters, my children (and my grandson!), nieces, and nephews.
I came home exhausted. And ready to talk.
I can’t believe how much I need to talk about this. Every one of my friends has heard my stories. What it was like as she died, the service, the decisions, the responses, the frustrations, the shock, the love.
Yesterday, I was walking and of course talking, talking, talking with my friend, Lauren. I apologized for monopolizing the entire route with my endless stories. She said, “You know, I just read this in a book of meditations the other day: “A wise friend will know one must tell the tale again and again.” And that is it exactly. I needed to tell the tale, and wise friends like Lauren know that what she needs to do is listen.
So, dear friends, I am ready to write again. Not necessarily of the grief and trauma of my mom’s passing (although if you want to hear about it, let’s go for a walk!). But I am ready to speak of the joy I see during this continued time of COVID.
I am blessed to say that John and I have a big camping trip planned for the next 2 weeks. But I’ll be back with my stories in October.
Thanks for listening.