I, like my mother, am not a “saver”. My mother and her brother were raised by their widowed mom, my grandma. The three of them moved frequently, as my grandma tried to keep one step ahead of the bill collectors. So, I imagine Mom was not encouraged to save things as they once again packed up the latest rental house. As she entered marriage and adulthood, many moves with her husband, and eventually five children, it is no wonder her lack of propensity to save things never waned. I honestly do not think I’ve ever seen an old report card or an art project. I imagine she said, “Oh, that’s nice”, and then threw it out with the coffee grounds. This sounds as if she was a very unloving cold person. She was not. She was just practical.
Now as we are getting ready to move to a new house, I am faced with my own propensity to toss – or not. I must say for someone who professes to being a “tosser”, I sure have a lot of stuff to go through – boxes and boxes. I am honestly amazed at all the report cards, book reports, and Valentine cards I saved over the years.
I have decided that we will not move these treasures to our new house. If I haven’t looked at this stuff for all these years, I do not imagine I will do so in my old age.
But still, it is hard. How can I throw out that adorable handmade card that tells me my child simply adores me? (And he really did seem to adore me in those days).
A friend of mine quoted Marie Kondo, she of the “Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” movement. My friend advised that I should only keep those things that “spark joy”. Well, that didn’t work. These old photos of my kids with Santa do spark joy. I had to dig deeper. As Marie Kondo says, “Can you truthfully say that you treasure something buried so deeply in a closet or drawer that you have forgotten its existence?” Well, that’s a little harsh, but true. I had honestly forgotten about all these buried treasures.
Here's another quote from Marie that helped: “As you start to address some of your more difficult sentimental items, start by reminding yourself that mementos are not memories. We can still honor our past while letting go of excess.” Indeed, I have wonderful memories of raising my children. I do not need old construction paper and cotton ball Christmas ornaments to honor that past.
Then there is the practical: all those boxes. And no basement. It’s true, our new house does not have a basement. Where or where would I store all the overflow? I cannot imagine there is spare room in a cupboard for old baby shoes.
So, John and I sat down with the memory boxes. We delighted in these objects. We oohed and aahed and reminisced. And I’ll admit, in the end, some things I just could not let go of. I put them in a smaller box. But we said thank you to lots and lots of items for sparking such joy before we tucked them away in a paper bag for recycling.
The next day was recycling day. I had 4 bags of recycling. And I couldn’t do it. I just could not throw these precious items away. So, I let the bags sit. They sat in the living room for a week. Every time I thought I’d go through them just once more, I felt exhausted, and just couldn’t do it. So, it really was time to say good bye. The next week, they were in the bin.
As we prepare to leave our home in St Paul, I can let go of the mementos. I’ll never let go of the memories.
“No matter how wonderful things used to be, we cannot live in the past. The joy and excitement we feel here and now are more important.” — Marie Kondo.
Post-Script: While digging through these old memories, I actually found my old report cards! From Kindergarten through 8th grade! Who knew? It turns out my mother, God Rest her Soul, did have a sentimental streak! So there!