As the title of this blog suggests, I am all about finding JOY in the every day. But something happened to me on Sunday that did not bring me joy. In fact, it brought annoyance, anger, despair, and even a little bit of feeling crazy. Still, I went home and wrote about it, and writing about it helped, it even gave me joy. And so, dear reader, the topic is not joyful. But, nevertheless, I hope you will enjoy the read.
There seems to be no middle ground on anything these days – you love Trump or you hate him, same goes with Biden. Love or hate taxes? Immigrants? Ukraine? Indeed, there is no arguing with the fact that all we do is argue. And along with that arguing has emerged an almost complete lack of civility. We shout at each other, call each other names, disparage each other’s beliefs… we might even give each other “the finger”. I was the recipient of said “finger” on my way to church (church!) this past Sunday, and let me tell you we have indeed reached the depths of incivility.
What happened to me has happened to all of us. You pull up behind a car at a stop light. The light turns green, and the car does not move. A cell phone is the likely culprit, maybe a worthwhile daydream. In any case, I was left sitting…and sitting. After waiting a good few moments, I did the awful – I honked my horn. Just a mild tap to break the driver’s reverie. As so often happens, the driver’s head snapped up, and he or she pulled ahead. But first, and you knew this was coming, didn’t you?, they had to flip me the bird. I said out loud to myself, “Oh no, really? You had to do that? That was so unnecessary, and on a Sunday morning of all days.” I tried to picture the very angry young man ahead of me. He was angry that the old lady behind him had dared to let him know that he should shut up and drive. Still, we both drove forward without further incident. He turned left, I turned left, he turned right, I turned right. I was not following him per se, but I guess I was following him to our common destination. The church parking lot! Someone who undoubtedly calls themselves a good Lutheran had given me the finger!
I followed the angry young man (I thought, well, at least he is trying to be a better person by going to church, but, more likely he was coerced into going because Granny promised him breakfast afterwards.) He parked his Kia; I drove down to the next row. Then I thought, “I want to tell him he is not being a nice person. This is not acceptable. This is not CIVIL.” I also figured I was pretty safe – I mean who does road rage in a church parking lot? So, I circled the row, only to see an old lady get out of the car. Alone. She was the driver! Now, this was no “little old lady”; no she was more of a very robust old lady with a flashy gold coat and oversized cloth handbag. I pulled up and rolled down my window. She did not look my way, but kept striding with enormous purpose into church.
I should mention that this is the first time I have visited this church. I am looking for a good Lutheran church in my new hometown. Was God trying to warn me off?
I walked into church, and there she was! The lady! Standing there talking some guy’s ear off. I stood beside her. And I stood there. Finally, she noticed me and excused herself and moved aside so I could get by. I said, “Do you drive a Kia?” She said, “Yes”. I said, “You gave me the finger while we were driving this morning.” She stuttered and fumbled, and OF COURSE denied ever doing such thing. I explained to her what had happened… she was not moving, I honked my horn, and she flipped me the bird. I said, “And that was just such so hurtful to me.” She said, “I didn’t even hear anyone honk!”, which seemed to me to be a very weird denial, since I might have said something like, “I am so sorry that happened to you. But honestly, I never give anyone the finger! I just would not have done that!”, which is true. I do not ever give anyone the finger. It is not kind. It is not civil. The man laughed at the idea of the old lady doing such a crude gesture, like this is such an odd idea. And it is. They denied, but I did not back down, I just walked away. I did attend the church service, but spent the whole time feeling crazy because they had both denied what happened. But, as my daughter said afterward, “Well, you both know what happened”, which made me feel much better.
The point is this: don’t give anyone the finger. It is crude and uncivil and so unnecessary.
In fact, stop being mean. It hurts other people. It causes pain. And it certainly causes any chance of friendship (sorry, new church, I won’t be coming back!)
If nothing else, remember that next time you are being uncivil you might just get caught. And it might not be in such a civil place as the church parking lot.